It's been one crazy year around Stately Tumlinson Manor. But here we are once again, Christmas trees gleaming under the weight of artificial lights and bulbs of glass and plastic, and the sweltering Houston heat and humidity making us all pant in that nostalgic way that always says "Christmas" in our hearts. And once again it's time for my annual letter to you and all your North Pole pals.

This year for Christmas I'd like to get a pony. And by pony, I mean "can we please make the Democrats shut up about winning a house majority?" I'll feed it and brush it and take it out for rides every day!

Speaking of the Democrats, let's give them something special this year. I was thinking it might be nice if they got a clue for once and realized that George W. Bush isn't single-handedly responsible for every problem in the world.

Santa, could you please bring some relief to the Katrina victims? The people who were pushed out of their homes seem to be getting some help finally, and I think they're going to be OK. But it'd be nice if all of the OTHER victims, the major cities surrounding New Orleans for 500 miles, could go back to a time when the crime and murder rates weren't being artificially inflated.

And I'd also like for the politically correct crowd to be given the gift of "a sense of humor," because I know they're ruffling their feathers over that last paragraph. How about we bring them a nice, old fashioned "get over yourself" with a hearty side of "bite me?"

Oh, I know... I'm on the naughty list for sure... Sorry, Santa. But hey, maybe I can make up for it by asking for a little something special for the insurance industry. Would you mind bringing them all some common sense and decency? Might be stretching it a bit on the latter. But maybe if they had even the slightest bit of empathy for the plight of the middle class Whos in Who-ville they could have hearts that grow three sizes in one day.

Well, that's about it for this year. Thanks again, Santa, for all the goodies on Christmas morn'. Have a safe trip, always tip your reindeer and never eat the yellow snow. Oh, and one last Christmas tip... don't bet on the Democrats being able to "fix" anything.

Merry Christmas from all of us here at ViewOnline Magazine!