I'm not in the kind of shape I'd like to be in. Blubbery and billowy, these are terms I grudgingly admit can apply to me. And while I'm on board with the movement towards physical fitness and improved health, I have as yet been uable to pull myself away from Simpsons re-runs and put myself on a treadmill.

Exercise equipment is kind of a waste, in my book. Sure, it's convenient to have your stair stepper or eliptical machine right there in the home. But if you're not really using it, isn't it just furniture? And not very attractive furniture at that. As my friend and colleague, David Dodson, puts it, "It's a place to hang clothes."

Running and being physically active are hard. I used to run every day after work, and I admit that I was much better off for it. I was thinner, had more energy and didn't have problems with indigestion or other over-eating related ailments. I was in pretty good shape. But years of driving 140 miles a day round trip to go to school, eating from vending machines and gas stations and being too exhausted to do much more than flick the remote every now and then have taken their toll. I am a very large shadow of my former self.

Promises of a magic pill that will shed the pounds over night have proven to be less than accurate. And cloning a new, perfect body in which to transfer my conciousness still seems to be eluding me. So what's a fella to do?

I guess I'll just have to suck it up and go for a run. Get my blood pumping. Get my adrenaline going. Get myself into shape.

When you put it like that, it sounds almost easy and fun, doesn't it?

Well, what I'm not looking forward to are the agonizing minutes with no oxygen. The feeling of battery acid dripping into my lungs. The excrutiating pain of my under-used joints threatening to snap from the repeated strain of hoisting my bulk up and down another set of stairs.

Nope, not looking forward to it. But it needs to be done.

So where's a good place to start? Luckily, I have the web. There are tons of sites out there that give me all the information I need to get started on road to a healthier, thinner me. Good ol' nurturing, loving Internet and her provisions for my health and happiness.

Now... how do I surf the web while running?

J. Kevin Tumlinson is the Editor of ViewOnline Magazine at www.viewonline.com. He is a writer and producer for Hat Digital Media as well as a freelance writer. He is still waiting for the fat burning ice cream.