Recently, someone close to me came to me with exciting news.  They were essentially being offered a job with better and more flexible hours and better pay.  They were completely stoked, since they’re current job doesn’t quite “do it” for them, and this new one would give them a chance to make some really positive changes to their life.  I was extremely happy for them and told them that I thought it was a great opportunity and I really hoped they’d get it.  There was a pause before they said, “Well, I’m not getting my hopes up.”

            I’ve heard and used that phrase so many times in my life that without thinking I gave my automated and standard response.  I nodded in sympathy and agreed that maybe that was best.

            But lately I’ve been making an effort to do something new – think.   Sometimes it takes some extra effort.  Just look around and you’ll see fine examples of people are NOT making the same effort.  But me, I’ve been giving it a shot, and at this point I’d had just enough practice to catch myself using an “old stand-by” instead of putting real effort into my reaction.  And it occurred to me that if you’re not getting you’re hopes up, then what’s the point?

            I know WHY people say it.  It’s because we don’t want the crashing disappointment that comes if we don’t get what we want.  That’s understandable.  No one likes to be disappointed.  Look at what happens to you when you’ve been let down:

1. You lose your energy.  When you suffer a great disappointment, your personal energy goes crashing down.  You may lose sleep.  It may be hard to get any rest.  You may have trouble focusing on current projects or beginning new ones.
2. You lose your drive.  When you’ve been let down, you enter a sort of valley between two peaks.  You’ve come down in a big hurry, but climbing the next peak takes too much effort.  Why bother climbing to the top?  You’re just going to come back down again!
3. You have self doubts.  I’m not good enough.  I can’t do it.  What was I thinking?  Your self image has taken a blow and now it’s tough to shake the feelings of failure.
4. You become gun shy.  The next time a good opportunity comes around, you are a little more wary.  You’re less likely to jump right on board and take a chance.  You may tend to play it safe and stick with what you have rather than risk disappointment by chasing after something better.

So “not getting your hopes up” is a perfectly understandable defense mechanism.  Who wants to go through all of that?  Self-concept and personal fortitude are so important to our daily success – why would we ever want to jeopardize it by allowing ourselves to “hope for something better?”  We have four very good reasons not to.  But let’s use our brand new thinking powers to see if we can change the way we perceive this.

Energy -  Yes.  When you’re disappointed you lose your juice.  You can’t bring yourself to tackle new projects or even give 100% to current ones.  But that’s exactly WHY you should get your hopes up!  Think about it – when you first get the good news that there’s some potential great thing on the horizon, you can hardly sleep because you’re so worked up.  You’re jazzed, you have energy to spare.  This is the PERFECT time to focus your energy on work.  Organize your office or home.  Create a list of ideas that you might want to follow up on.  Sit down and write the outline for that novel you’ve been thinking about.  The point is, you have this energy…USE it for something!  Don’t let it go to waste!  You already know that if you don’t get your dream job or the book deal falls through or your free trip to Europe gets cancelled that you’re going to be in a slump.  You probably won’t feel much like being creative or innovative at that point so you’ll really be glad you used your energy so well before hand!

Drive -  It’s tough to pick yourself up when you’ve been let down.  But if you use that hopeful energy to create plans and to lay groundwork for future projects, you’ll find it a little easier to build up the momentum you need to see you through the tough times.  You may get a little bogged down, but you won’t come to a complete stop.  You’ll have just enough push behind you, if you prepare for it, to see you through just about any situation.  Drive is a funny thing.  People who are considered “driven” sometimes seem intense, maybe even workaholics.  But the truth is that “drive” is all about momentum.  Having the next project ready to begin before the first one is finished is how you keep going.  Preparation and organization can give you the momentum to get passed the “down time” of disappointment.  Use your hopeful energy and drive to prepare for your next work.  Like the aphorism says, “Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.”

Self Doubts -  Take a look at the best-sellers list and you’ll spot a few “Self-help” books.  Books on leadership skills, books on developing personal strength – no matter what the overall topic may be they almost always have at least one common characteristic.  They flat out tell you, no bones about it, that self-confidence is one of the keys to success.  Your self-concept determines your direction and your future level of accomplishment.  You can use your hopeful energy to build and boost your self-concept.  Take some time to do a little journal writing and compliment yourself on your good qualities.  Tell yourself why you are perfect for this new opportunity that has your hopes up.  Write elaborate plans for your future.  Dream a little.  Take some time to just compliment yourself on what a great job you do in your day to day life.  Fill your head with as many positive messages as possible, because if you get the opportunity you were hoping for this will make you all the more efficient and successful at it.  And if you don’t get it, this will help keep your attitude upbeat and strong so you can move on to the next great opportunity.

Gun shy -  Failure breeds failure.  That’s what you hear from the world around you.  Honestly, though, why would you believe something that is so obviously false?  Thomas Edison is reputed to have tried 10-thousand variations before he finally invented a working light bulb.  When asked how he kept going after so many failures, he exclaimed, “I have not failed even once!  I’ve only discovered 9,999 ways how NOT to invent a light bulb!”  Failure of any kind can be a success, especially if you’re making a conscious effort to make it so.  Just because this great opportunity came and went and in its wake left disappointment and uncertainty doesn’t mean you won’t get other, better opportunities.  And, equally as important, it doesn’t mean that you got nothing out of getting your hopes up.  If you are consciously using this time to build something, to prepare for the future, to prepare yourself for great accomplishments, then you’ve gotten more out of it than you had really even hoped for.

It is, of course, all very much easier said than done.  We’re all conditioned to “not get our hopes up.”  Fear of disappointment keeps us from realizing opportunities and potential.  But no good thing ever comes without effort.  And really, I promise, if you make the effort to change how you perceive hope and failure, only good things will come of it.  Use your hope, when you have it, to shore yourself up for the times when you won’t.  It’s a guaranteed way to avoid giving in to despair.

J. Kevin Tumlinson is the Editor for ViewOnline Magazine at www.viewonline.com. He holds a Masters in Education and has won numerous awards for writing fiction and non-fiction. You may reach him via e-mail at kevin@viewonline.com. He hopes you’ll enjoy reading this enough to come back next time!