Networking
J. Kevin TumlinsonI don't know why people always look down on the whole "TV as a babysitter" thing. I grew up with TV as my "nanny" and look how great I turned out! Aside from a few issues with recognizing reality when I see it, I'm fairly certain that TV has helped shape my moral and ethical sensibilities and has shown me that no matter what the problem is, it can be solved in half-hour and one-hour increments. Or, if it's a really big problem, there is the occasional "To be continued..." -- a time of rest that occurs in the middle of your problem.
Yes, I turned out fine.
I love TV. I know TV -- it's an old friend, a family member. Some of my fondest memories were dreamt up by a pool of writers and portrayed by SAG backed actors. But even I, with my great love for TV and it's warm glow, am becoming jaded.
I can't put my finger on exactly what started this general malaise. If I had to guess, I'd say it's actually tied to a whole list of things, not just one in particular. So, in a cathartic effort to open my own eyes, I thought I'd share the things about broadcast television that are making me think of turning off the tube and reading a good book instead.
First up, "logos." You know what I'm talking about. Those little translucent icons that appear in the bottom right hand corner of the screen? The sad part is, they've become such a part of television that you may not even notice them anymore (sort of defeats the point, doesn't it?). On the other hand, I can think a few times that they've been very intrusive. Nothing like trying to read a Simpson's sign gag or some sight-based joke through a frosted looking network logo.
I'm not really sure what the purpose of the translucent logo is, actually. We, the viewer, probably already know what network we're watching. And even if we don't, is there really a need to brand a "product" such as a television show if we're ALREADY watching it? And these days, they are there through the entirety of the broadcast. At least in the old days they used to fade in and out every now and then.
Thinking about logos brings me to number two on the list -- "snipes." Once the harmless victim of mass hunting (look up "snipe hunt" online -- you'll like it, I swear), these days the snipe is a much more threatening critter. A snipe is a really intrusive little animated scene that takes place in the bottom third of your screen while you are watching a broadcast. It usually covers a good portion of the picture, blocking your view. And while you're watching a serious moment on, say, "ER," you might also have the joys of watching the little furry acorn chaser from "Ice Age" chase a nut around the bottom of the screen, or you may have to contend with Hank Hill mowing down the grass to reveal the time and date of some "King of the Hill" while you're watching "Nip/Tuck." And it isn't just animation. In the case of our buddy Hank Hill, there very well may be the sound of a lawnmower drowning out the dialogue of the scene.
Next up is an oldie but a goodie -- commercials. I'm going to point out something to you that you may not have thought of just yet. It may irritate you. It may infuriate you. It may send you into convulsions. Or, you may not care about it at all, but it bugs the heck out of me. Here goes -- the majority of people in this country are paying for TV. That's not the earth shaking part. Here it is - we're paying for TV, but we STILL have commercials.
You may not remember this, but for years we were told that commercials were a necessary evil for broadcast TV. In order for us to get our primetime fix for free, we had to endure commercial breaks. That's how the networks made their pay roll. But these days, most of us pay for cable or satellite television. So, if it's no longer free, why are we seeing commercials? Not only that, but there are people out there that are simply infuriated that a service like TiVo might allow people to SKIP commericals, and so they've pushed to have the technology limited so that it allows advertising to be streamed on screen as you fast forward.
These are people who should be tied to chairs and beaten with hammers.
Here's my favorite rant, though. How many times have you started watching a series, loved it, and really thought it would do well only to discover that it was cancelled after episode two or something? I can name at least four series right off the top of my head that I thought were GREAT, and yet they didn't even make it through season one. Why? Not because no one was watching -- the shows generally weren't on long enough for there to be reliable ratings.
In fact, many of these shows are much beloved. And actually, I really can't say why they would just be cancelled for no apparent reason. It seems that the tastes of the viewing public just aren't a consideration. There's some unseen agenda in network television that dictates what does and does not make it.
I'll give you an example... right now, without pausing, name ONE person who has told you how much he or she LOVES "The Simple Life."
Brrrrrrrrt... times up, oh I'm sorry! You won't be receiving the grand prize, but please accept the home version of our game! Now, here's a chance to pick up those lost points. Can you name anyone who has told you that they really liked "Family Guy?" This show had such a rabid fan base that Fox re-signed it after DVD sales went through the ROOF.
I have to say, I'm sick of network television. They have some unseen group that determines what I will and will not watch, without so much as asking me. So I say we ditch 'em.
These days, I've found that I actually watch more shows on DVD than I do on television. I've bought several complete series that were scrubbed from Fox, for example, that ended up being among the best shows I've ever watched. For samples, try watching "Firefly," "Wonderfalls" and "Tru Calling." Great shows, good writing and they never, ever stood a chance. Tru Calling probably had the best odds, since it actually lasted a full season and held on long enough to tape a few episodes for season 2 (six, I think).
So maybe that's the way of the future? Skip the shows while they're on TV and catch up on DVD later? I can live with that. I get to watch it on my schedule, kind of like programming my own network. The studios would still make their money, but maybe the networks themselves would start losing enough revenue that they might change their tune.
Hey, it's a thought. It might take more than an hour to solve that particular problem. Maybe this is a "to be continued" situation?
J. Kevin Tumlinson is the Editor for ViewOnline. He holds a Masters of Education. He has worked in film and television production and owns his own production company, Hat Digital Media. If you'd like to e-mail him, you may do so at kevin@viewonline.com. He changes the channel when life gets boring.